Fiancée loves to boss me around

Dear Pastor,

The year is going by so fast; I could hardly believe that it is March already. I am planning to marry my fiancee this summer.

We are hoping that everything will go smoothly. Our relatives are bearing the full cost of our wedding. My fiancee is leaving for Florida to fit her dress. I told her that is a waste of money and she was very annoyed. She said it is a one-day affair, so she wants to look her very best. We have been attending counselling and I am learning things about her that I did not know. The counsellor asks me questions, but I don't say much about myself. My fiancee's parents are well off, so they have promised us that they will pay rent for three months after we are married. Her father told me that he has taken me as the son he never had. He has three daughters. He is a very kind and loving man.

But my concern is that his daughter occasionally tries to push me around and behaves as if she wants to rule me. She works in her father's office and she handles much of his business. She gives directives to the men who work there. I have to remind her when she wants to push me around that I don't work with her father or with her. She is six years older than I am, so she tells me that as an older person, I should listen to her.

She is a wonderful Christian woman. A few months ago, we broke a promise that we had made to ourselves. Her parents were away for a week and unknown to them, I spent three nights with her. We had discussed that we would not have sex until after we are married, but going to her house, we found that we could not resist each other. One evening, she went to the bathroom and then she called me to join here. That's where we got into trouble - touching what we shouldn't touch. We started to misbehave from the bathroom to the bed. That went on for two nights straight. Now she is telling me that we should go to the country for a pre-honeymoon weekend. I am seeing a different side of this woman. I asked her why we can't wait until we go on honeymoon. She said I started her off, so I have to learn to keep up, and I should remember that she is older, so I should go with what she says.

I am in trouble so I am begging you for your advice.

M.R.

Dear M.R.,

Don't allow this woman to push you around. Although she is six years older than you, she has to learn that your opinion is valuable.

You are not her boss, and neither is she yours. In a love relationship, the couple should listen together, reason together and make decisions together. However, there might be times in the relationship when the man has to take the lead in making decisions. That is what the Bible says.

I am glad that your fiancee's parents are willing to stand the cost of your reception. You are a very fortunate man. Your fiancee and yourself made a vow that you couldn't keep. What both of you did excited you so much to the extent that you are now talking about going on a pre-honeymoon weekend. I have never heard of that. I cannot encourage you to agree to waste money on that kind of weekend. Both of you can put all your plans in place for a wonderful wedding and all that will follow after.

Pastor