Wife thinks I’m raising my son like a sissy

Dear Pastor,

I want to say that I enjoy reading your column in THE STAR.

You have opened the eyes of many and you have saved many lives. I am a 31-year-old man and I am married to a 25- year-old woman. Before we got married, she knew that I had a son with another woman. She also had a child with another man. When my child's mother and I broke up, she started to live with another man. I did not want my son to be living with a stepfather, so she gave him to me and my mother was taking care of him.

Both children were attending school. I eventually got married, so I took my son from my mother. My son was always complaining that she was abusing him, but she denied it and then she called him a liar and a thief when I was not around. She did not want to pick him up from school, so I had to pay for him to be picked up. I never complained whenever it is possible for me to pick up her daughter.

One day I came home from work and saw my son washing his own clothes. I asked him why and he said my wife told him to wash them because she does not want his dirty clothes to be put in the machine with her and her daughter's clothes. I was very surprised, so my wife and I had an argument over that. I told her that should not be done. If his clothes are too dirty to be mixed up with her daughter's clothes, then his clothes should go in the machine alone. That evening, she told me some very hot words that caused me to overreact. She said I should not raise my son as a sissy; he should learn to wash his own clothes.

I asked her why is it that her daughter doesn't wash her own clothes and she said because she is a girl. She did not speak to me for days because of the words I told her. Looking back now, I regret using expletives to her. She stopped cooking for me and my son. I had to take him back to my mother. When I was taking him back, I told her that, if my son cannot be happy in my house, she should find a place to put her daughter.

This house is mine and I am not going to be happy with my wife if my son cannot live here. What do you have to say?

F.

Dear F.,

I could be wrong, but I do not believe that there are many men who would like to see their sons over a tub washing their own clothes when there is a washing machine in the house.

That seems like punishment to the child. I also believe that the way your wife reacted to you caused you to lose your temper. You believe that she was doing things to this young man to spite you. You admitted that you overreacted. Your wife behaves as if she doesn't like the little boy and that would be sad indeed, because he would react and might even resent her. Children can become very sensitive.

I am glad that his grandmother is willing to have him. I hope that you wouldn't insist that your wife and her daughter should leave your house. I suggest that you and your wife make an appointment and see a family counsellor on this matter.

Pastor