I gave him full service - ... but he did not propose to me

Dear Pastor,

I am 29 years old and I live in Jamaica. I have been corresponding with a man from New York, who was introduced to me by my relatives living there. Recently, he came to Jamaica to meet me in person, and I quickly realised that I like him very much. He stayed for one week, and during that time we went everywhere together. He is 40 years old.

My cousins in America told me that he makes a lot of money and suggested that I should let him spend freely. Indeed, while he was here, he did spend a lot. I had been hoping that he would propose to me during his visit. When he did not, and as I realised he would soon be leaving Jamaica, I asked him if he had found any fault in me.

During his time here, I did not hold back from pleasing him; I gave him full service. He told me that he had enjoyed being with me and assured me that he would definitely think about coming back to Jamaica to marry me.

However, he also asked me to give him some time because he had heard from friends that some Jamaican women change once they move to America. He told me that he had heard stories of men who marry women in Jamaica, bring them to America, and then find that the women are no longer the same. He wanted to be sure that I would not change if we were together abroad.

During the entire week we were intimate, he did not use any protection. He told me that he wanted me to get pregnant. What he did not know, however, is that I have been on the Pill and have been protecting myself. I understand his caution. It is true, Pastor, that some women do change after moving to America.

My brother, who is Jamaican, had a babymother in Jamaica, and he married her. However, when she moved to America to live with him, the relationship only lasted a few months, as she became involved with another man.

I want to make it clear that I have no intention of running away from this man if we were to get married. My only regret is that I gave myself fully to him while he was here, and when he left, the only thing he gave me was US$500. While I was grateful for the money, I still cannot help wondering whether he will return to Jamaica to marry me.

We speak almost every day. He says that he is now paying off the money he spent on his credit card while in Jamaica. He has asked me to wait for him and not become involved with another man.

Do you think this man will really come back and marry me?

Z.H.

Dear Z.H,

It is not possible for me to know whether this man would return to Jamaica and marry you. What I do know is that your letter reminds me of a man I met when I was attending a function in Georgia in America.

This man is Jamaican, and when he found out that I was visiting America, he made an effort to speak to me. He said that he did not love his wife and that he came to America and found this woman who could not walk in his wife's shoes.

He said his Jamaican wife was classy and beautiful, but he divorced her and got married to the American woman, who he said was about three times or more the size of his wife because he wanted a green card.

Somehow his wife was able to get to America, and that man dumped the American woman and rekindled with his Jamaican wife. He used the American woman to get his green card.

In this world, anything is likely to happen as people are not always loyal to each other. They use each other to get ahead. I don't know what this man is likely to do. He may or may not come back to Jamaica to marry you.

I don't encourage business marriages, so while you are in Jamaica, I urge that work hard to make a living. There is no guarantee that this man may return to Jamaica and marry you.

Pastor