My husband thinks I’m sleeping with the taxi man

Dear Pastor,

I am a 32-year-old woman, and I am living with my husband. Our relationship was going well until he started to listen to rumours. He accused me of having a relationship with a neighbour who is a taxi driver.

I could not believe it when my husband told me that he was reliably told that this taxi man and I are friends. Sometimes when I don't have lots of money, this taxi driver would take me to where I want to go and bring me back, but he and I were just good friends, and he was a considerate taxi driver.

Whenever I try to explain myself to my husband, he refuses to listen. So one day, while he was making noise, I told him to believe whatever he wanted to believe. He said all he wanted me to do was to tell him the truth. I told him that I had told him the truth, and that I had good reason to believe that he had other women. I questioned what would be wrong if I had an affair with a man. The same game that he is playing, I can play. He punched me in my face, and he told me it is only a whore who believes that what a man does, women can do too.

I know I was wrong to tell him so. My grandmother told me I should not try to go toe to toe with my husband. For days, I had to stay home from work because my face was swollen. I thought my husband would apologise for punching me in my face, but he didn't. Even my children, when they saw my face, cried.

I stopped travelling with this taxi man. I did not know that my husband approached him and told him to leave me alone, and that he should not even come to my gate. I know he is very jealous, but he has taken his jealousy too far. I did not report him to the police because I wouldn't want the police to arrest him, and for him to sleep in jail. But I warned him and told him that if he hit me again, I would have him arrested, and this time I mean it. Do you think I should have reported him?

N.P.

Dear N.P.,

I am not going to answer the question of whether you should have reported your husband to the police. I would only caution both of you to weigh your words before you speak.

Your husband had no right to hit you, regardless of what you told him. Jealousy is not something that can be controlled easily. Perhaps your husband needs to do a course in anger management. Perhaps you should also do the course.

I suggest that both of you make an appointment to see a family counsellor.

Pastor