I prefer my sidepiece to my boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am a 19-year-old woman. I am living at home with my parents as well as my brother and sister. I have a boyfriend, but I don’t trust him. He does not make time for me. Sometimes I don’t see him for up to three weeks. He says he is busy working and he will have more time for me very soon. Most times I am the one who does the calling. I told him he should tell me the truth because I don’t want to waste my time. He said he is not wasting my time, but if I see somebody else and I love that person, I should move on. 

The truth is, I have been seeing another man who is always available. He answers his phone whenever I call. He invited me to his house and I went. It is a beautiful house. He told me that he has a babymother but she doesn’t live in Jamaica. She is in North America with the child. 

I love this man very much. He is twice my age, but he treats me well. He gives me whatever I ask him for. He told me that he would be away for an entire month but I don’t need to fear, because he will be back. 

I asked him if he is planning to marry his child’s mother and he told me he is not sure. He said he is not in a hurry for them to get married. I am not interested in marrying him because he has his education and his child’s mother is educated. He said that he would send me back to school beginning this September. 

When I met this man, my sister and I were sleeping on the same bed. But, since I met him, he bought a bed and a dresser for me. He bought the bed before I had sex with him. 

My so-called boyfriend, who is always very busy, has never bought me anything substantial. Yet, every time we meet, he wants to have sex. I used to give him the sex because I couldn’t do better. He suspects that I have another man but I have denied it. 

This man I am with asked me if I have a boyfriend and I told him the truth. He asked me if we are having sex and I told him yes. He cautioned me and told me that I should break up with him because he does not want to catch any disease from me. 

I am sorry I told him that I am having sex. So now, every time we are going to go to bed, he asks me if I am sure that I don’t have any disease. It makes me feel embarrassed. I am not a bad girl. If my boyfriend was treating me well and I was seeing him, I would not have looked around for another man. But I can’t leave this man, he is everything to me. 

Please for your advice. 

K

Dear K.,

I understand the dilemma you have found yourself in. What you are trying to tell me is that if your needs were being met by your boyfriend, you would have remained faithful to him. But you may see him and, whenever you see him, he wants sex and he does not give you much money. 

The other man who is twice your age is in a better position. He supports you well. But he has a woman and they have a child together. She is not living in Jamaica but you know that he loves her. He is going to be away for an entire month because he will be visiting her. 

This man is not going to be a visitor. He has offered to send you back to school. Accept the offer, but be prepared to hear from this man at any time that the relationship with the both of you has to end. He is either going to live in North America or his woman is going to come back and live in Jamaica. This woman is not going to be happy having her man living in Jamaica. So, I am sorry to tell you that one of these days you are going to have the sad news that the man is going. 

Be prepared. 

Pastor