Boyfriend’s father says I should not rush and marry him

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 years old and my boyfriend is 21. We are both in college. Unfortunately, my boyfriend got me pregnant. My parents were not aware of it. My boyfriend told his father what had happened and his father suggested that we should terminate the pregnancy and I agreed. So we terminated the pregnancy. 

It took me a couple months to get over it because having an abortion is not something that I ever anticipated. My boyfriend is such a lovely guy and he comes from a good background. 

The doctor put me on the pill, but although I am on the pill, my boyfriend used the condom every time we have sex so that no mistake could be made. I always take the pill according to instructions. 

My boyfriend and I are in the same class, so we do our work together and we correct each other. We both get very good grades. Only his father knew about the pregnancy. His mother does not know anything because his father told him not to make the mistake to say anything about it to her. My boyfriend cooks and helps me in every way. His parents assist us in everything for college. 

I am fortunate that my parents assist me. I am also on a scholarship. We are looking towards graduation very soon. My boyfriend wants to further college. I would like to do post-grad work as well. However, I would like to get married. 

Personally, I spoke to my boyfriend’s father. He is a man who is a deep thinker and he told me that he would suggest that we do not get married until we are about 26 years old. I was disappointed in hearing that, but he said at about 26 we will be more mature and able to handle what may come to us during our marriage. He also suggests that we should look for different jobs and earn more money and try to save as much as we can before we get married. 

This man also suggests that we should not only change jobs, but that we should keep out of debt. After receiving such advice, from his father, I did not mention anything again about wanting to be married. My boyfriend raised the matter with me and I told him that I was not ready. He asked me who I was talking to that caused me to change my mind and I told him I was talking to my advisor. He said he knows who that is. 

Do you agree with what my father-in-law told me?  

S

Dear S.,

You and your boyfriend have been living together and were having unprotected sex when you became pregnant. Trusting his father, you confided in him about the situation, and he advised you to terminate the pregnancy, which you did.

What I want to focus on now is the fact that both of you appear to have learned from that experience. You are no longer being careless, and you have both been working hard on your college studies. Before long, it will be time for graduation.

You said that your boyfriend wants to continue his education, while you would like to take a break, get married and settle down. Although you did not say so directly, I am assuming that you feel ready to start a family as well.

However, your prospective father-in-law has advised you not to rush into marriage. Instead, he believes that both of you should first secure good jobs and establish yourselves financially. He suggested that marriage might be more appropriate when you are around 26 years old.

Please bear in mind that women often mature emotionally faster than men, so it is understandable that you may feel ready to take the next step. Nevertheless, there is no need to hurry. Give yourselves time to build a solid foundation. Focus on your careers, work hard, save your money, and continue supporting each other's goals.

Marriage and parenthood are major commitments, and they are often easier to navigate when both partners are financially and emotionally prepared.

I wish both of you every success as you complete your studies and plan for the future.

Pastor