I think my mother-in-law is jealous of me

Dear Pastor, 

I began living with my boyfriend when I was 19. I had already met his mother two years prior. My family was not treating me well, so I moved out and went to live with my boyfriend. 

His mother and I were very close, but a few months ago, we had a falling out. We had two disagreements before that. The first time, I bought a specific product because I had read online that it had wonderful benefits for ‘down there’.  I bought it and put it in the refrigerator. My boyfriend, his mother and brother live in the same house and share most things with each other. We live in harmony, so whatever I buy, they can use it. 

I am a kind person. When I put the item in the fridge, I had a feeling that my boyfriend’s mother would eat it, so I asked him to tell her not to. I found out that she was upset because of that. I really love my mother-in-law, so I did not mean to hurt her. I realised that she was ignoring my calls and she was upset with me, so I apologised to her.  

There was another time when my boyfriend’s brother emptied my jar of clips, without my permission, and put bleaching cream in the jar. I don't support bleaching and I found it disrespectful that he didn't even think to ask for it. We argued and tension developed between him, his mother and myself. I was in the house but not talking to anybody. One morning she started to curse and behave like a headless chicken. I didn't answer. She said if I plan to move out, I would have to go alone because I am not taking her son away from her. She said she knew her son was going to choose me over her and I found that extremely weird.  

Then there was this time when we planned to move. I could not move everything I owned. The landlord at the house we intended to move into decided to rent it to someone else. He said we were taking too long. Some of our stuff was already at the house and someone took away my beautiful curtains.  

My boyfriend always supports me whenever I am upset. But his mother cursed me. She said I was manipulating her son. It has been about eight months since this incident and we have not spoken. This woman told me to go and ‘what’s it what’s it’ my mother, and she told us to get out. She said I was taking her son for a fool and that she did not like me.  

I understand that she cares about her son. She is a single mother and only has her sons, but birds have to leave their parents’ nest and go on their own. Their parents should be proud enough to know that the time has come for them to move on. Both of us went to traditional high schools and that is how we met. We have been together for eight years.  

T 

Dear T., 

I want to begin by giving you some words of encouragement. I want you to know that I believe that you are a lovely young woman, and that you mean well. 

I believe that this young man with whom you have a relationship loves you and that you love him. I truly believe that both of you love each other. It has been an eight-year relationship.  

You made a mistake by going to live with him in the same house with his mother and others. I believe you thought that by doing so, everybody would be a happy family, living and sharing together. It appears to me that your mother-in-law became very jealous of you and she could not understand why her son and you were getting along so well. I don’t want to imply that you are an angel; I believe that you have made some mistakes also. But this woman does not have any respect for you at all. That is why she felt that she could say the nastiest thing to you and she did not expect you to retaliate or respond.  

The woman does not love you. Therefore, you should not be living under the same roof with her. Your boyfriend and you should have your own furniture and appliances, etc. I don’t encourage young people to live together unless they are married. I know some people say that it is necessary at times, but I am just stating how I feel about it. If this man and you have been together for eight years, it is time to tie the knot. I am glad to know that he stands up for you. He does that because he loves you.  

I am glad for what you have shared with me and I assure you of my prayers. You and your boyfriend should make an appointment to meet with a family counsellor. I stand ready to help you at any time.  

Pastor