Boyfriend is wary of my male friends

Dear Pastor,

I am a 21-year-old girl, and I am having a relationship with a man who is 24. He has a university degree. I have not been to college, but he says he likes me. I asked him why he would have a relationship with me and I am not in his league. He said from the time he met me, he fell in love with me. He says he is impressed by the way I move. 

I want to go back to school, and he says that he will help me. There are a few things that I don’t like about him. I like to have lots of friends, but he does not want me to have many friends. I come from a large family. I have eight brothers and four sisters. My mother has four of us with my father. It is also my understanding that my father has several other children, some of whom he does not even know.  He says that he hopes that before he dies, all of his children will be acquainted with each other.

My boyfriend is scared that if I have many friends. He believes that the men will want to go to bed with me because I am a beautiful girl. I told him that he doesn’t need to have any fear. If he is serious about me, we can work together. From the time I am conscious of myself, many men have been asking me for sex, and only three have succeeded. These are the one who took my virginity, another guy, and my present boyfriend. The one who took my virginity was my best friend’s boyfriend. 

I was invited to a party. My best friend was going, but I wanted to wear something new, and I asked him, and he told me that he would give me the money to buy what I wanted. He, however, said that he wanted something in return. He told me that it would be between the both of us, and I told him that that would be ok. So we met, and we had sex, and I have never said a word to my best friend. He tried to have sex with me another time, but I told him that we shouldn’t continue because he was my best friend’s boyfriend. 

The second man I had sex with wanted to have sex with every woman he sees. He is a community don. My parents did not want me to have any relationship with him, so they asked one of my relatives to allow me to live with her. Things have worked out very well for me because I am still living with this relative. She loves my present boyfriend. My boyfriend doesn’t give me a lot of money, but whatever I ask him for, he tries to give me. 

I know my cousin reads your column, but I don’t mind if she sees what I am telling you. She has a male friend, and he recently  put question to me, and I told him that I would tell my cousin that he is trying to have sex with me. From the time I told him so, he has stopped fooling around me, so I have not said anything to my cousin. 

D.

Dear D.,

Thank you for your letter. Your boyfriend has good eyes. I say that because he has declared that you are quite a good-looking girl, and it is not unusual for a man to feel jealous if his girlfriend is very popular or is of the flirty type. A good man does not want his lady to be going from hand to hand. So if you know that he doesn’t want you to have Tom, Dick, and Harry as your friends, then drop them. On the other hand, if he loves you he has to learn to trust you. 

You were wrong when you became intimate and had sex with your best friend’s man. It is good that you have been able to end that ‘situationship’ although this guy wanted more of you. I also commend your parents for moving you out of the community in which you grew up so that you would have a better life. 

You were quite correct in warning your cousin’s boyfriend that you would report him for wanting to have an affair with you. Try and work with your boyfriend, but let him know that you must have friends and you resent him trying to control every move you make. 

Pastor